Archive: Amy Winehouse

Amy Winehouse at the Monarch Pub in London last night

Amy Winehouse was photographed with a mysterious white, almost cocaine-like, substance in her nose last night at a pub in London. I know what you’re thinking: Amy was doing Scarface-amounts of the Colombian Marching Powder. I call bullshit. The Amy Winehouse I know and love would never do that sort of thing. Amy’s a rock star now — she’s up to freebasing pure elephant tranquilizer. Cocaine is so five years ago and, frankly, Amy won’t accept anything but the best. She’s like the Patrick Henry of drug addicts. “Give me pure elephant tranquilizer or give me death!”

[INFDaily.com, Splash News, WENN, BauerGriffinOnline]

Amy Winehouse in London (7/6)

I’m taking a glass half full approach to this picture of Amy Winehouse — at least I know what I’ll be waking up in a cold sweat to for the next month.

[Splash News, WENN]

Not what I want to see in my inbox

UPDATE: OK fine . . . if you hate yourself, the picture is HERE

[INFDaily.com]

Amy Winehouse punches fan at concert

Amy Winehouse performed her first full UK show in seven months at London’s Glastonbury Festival Saturday night and by all accounts it went well . . . if you consider punching a fan “well.” Oh yeah, she also spit her gum out at the crowd. CNN says:

Amy Winehouse’s first full UK show in seven months has been overshadowed by an incident in which she appeared to throw a punch at a fan in the front row.

The incident occurred during the troubled singer’s performance Saturday at the Glastonbury Festival in front of around 80,000 people. Stepping down into the pit between the outdoor stage and the audience during a rendition of “Rehab,” Winehouse seemed to lash out at a member of the crowd before being gently escorted back to the stage by security staff.

Winehouse lashed out because someone grabbed her breasts, according to festival organizer Michael Eavis. (Source)

Amy freaked out because someone grabbed her breasts? I doubt it. Those things are harder to find these days than Osama bin Laden.* At least we know Amy didn’t get angry because her blood sugar was low. Judging from her teeth, the bitch looks like she adds sugar to her soda. The guy that got hit should consider himself lucky that all Amy did was throw a punch. She could have tried something a lot more dangerous to his health — like fuck him.

*and a lot hairier

[WENN]

Amy Winehouse is all kinds of stupid

Just a day after her father revealed that she has emphysema (or the early stages of the disease according to some reports), Amy Winehouse was photographed smoking a cigarette after leaving a London rehab center. David H. Nielson, a thoracic surgeon in San Antonio, told Us Weekly:

“She’s only 24 yet she has the lungs of an 80-year-old. She’s going to get fatigued [on stage] and have to rest with supplemental oxygen. It will dramatically effect her career. To have this type of emphysema already will likely shorten her life to about 50 years of age.” (Source)

Lies, all lies about our beloved Amy! Besides the four years of college, four years of medical school, and three years of residency, what the fuck does this guy know? Damn charlatan. Amy’s gonna live to 100.*

*we’re talking about dog years, right?

[Flynet]

Amy Winehouse has emphysema

According to Amy Winehouse’s father, Mitch, during a recent series of medical checks it was discovered that his troubled daughter has contracted emphysema and is at serious risk of death if she keeps doing drugs. He told the Sunday Mirror:

“The doctors have told her if she goes back to smoking drugs it won’t just ruin her voice, it will kill her. The doctors have said that if she had continued the way she was going she could have ended up an invalid — she wouldn’t have been able to breathe. She’s got emphysema. It’s in its early stages, but had it gone on for another month they painted a very vivid picture of her sitting there like an old person with a mask on her face struggling to breathe. With smoking the crack cocaine and the cigarettes, her lungs are all gunked up. There are nodules around the chest and dark marks. She’s got 70 percent lung capacity.” (Source)

” . . . if she had continued the way she was going she could have ended up an invalid”? Newsflash Mitch: she achieved that distinction in early ‘05. A more accurate prognosis — If Amy had continued the way she was going, she would have ended up as compost, this guy’s girlfriend, or at the very least, an extra in next summer’s smash romantic comedy Schindler’s List 2. At least now Amy’s father can sleep better knowing that his daughter no longer shoots drugs — just porn.

[WENN]

Amy Winehouse hooking it up with ice pops!

Amy Winehouse passed out ice pops to kids outside her home in London yesterday. I know, sketchy, right? But like my mom always said, never take a free ice pop from a crackhead unless she’s been certified 8x platinum, so I think those kids are OK.

[Getty, WENN]

Amy Winehouse has a sex tape

I was hoping the day would never come when I’d have to write these words: Amy Winehouse has a sex tape. A friend of the singer’s turned over a series of tapes to UK tabloid News of the World that show Amy getting down with fiancé Blake Fielder-Civil. According to the tabloid, the friend turned over the tapes because she was late on rent in an attempt to show the world “just what power Blake wields in manipulating the vulnerable young star.” The tapes also shows Amy and a friend sitting in her living room (with drug paraphernalia strewn everywhere) singing a children’s song with her own added racist lyrics (video on PAGE 2) — but who cares about that — did you read the headline –Amy Winehouse has a freaking sex tape. News of the World says:

One [tape] shows a disinterested Amy pleasuring [Blake] with one hand while chatting matter-of-factly on a phone held in the other. There’s more shocking footage filmed in the public stairwell of a hotel. First Blake asks Amy to perform oral sex on him. A woozy-looking Amy asks: “Are you vidding (videoing)?” and Blake tells her to wink at the camera.

Our source said: “Blake’s clearly the instigator behind the idea of them having risky public sex. It looks like the camera was a new toy and he wanted to test it out.” (Source)

A blender. A particularly aggressive tiger. A woodchipper. A garbage disposal. A rusty garbage disposal. Any of the captains on Deadliest Catch. Help me out everyone. I’m compiling a list of people/things I would let blow me before Amy Winehouse. A meat grinder. A bench vice. Cher’s son in Mask (1985).

[BauerGriffinOnline]

CLICK HERE to check out the Amy Winehouse racist video on PAGE 2

Amy Winehouse attacks photographer

Amy Winehouse attacked a couple of photogs Monday night outside her home in London. Balls. That’s what that dude on the right has. Straight up balls. Guy is still snapping pics even though Winehouse is lunging at him like he’s a bag of free crack. If Amy Winehouse was in the same zip code as me, I would run away screaming.

[WENN]

Amy Winehouse wears diapers

Before you haphazardly click on the picture above, lemme run these three little words by you: Amy. Winehouse. Diapers. If the thought of that didn’t immediately make you puke, I’m sorry to tell you this but you have no soul — so click away you soulless demon. If it did, run my friend, run as far away from this post as you can. Alaska should be safe — but not Anchorage. I’m pretty sure they have Internet there.

[INFDaily.com, WENN]