Archive: Brooke Hogan

The unbuttoned pants were the Hulk’s idea

Hulk Hogan showed up to his daughter Brooke’s Maxim photoshoot in April to “supervise.” For some odd reason, Brooke is featured in the July issue of the magazine. Fox News “Pop Tarts” says:

An insider told Pop Tarts that Hulk’s appearance was a surprise to those on the set, and that he came to supervise and ensure his baby girl didn’t flash too much flesh. But judging by the super-sexy outcome, we don’t know how pleased daddy will be. (Source)

The Hulk wanted to make sure Brooke didn’t flash too much flesh? Sorry but that’s what a normal dad would do. Hulk’s not a normal dad. He probably showed up to set with pop corn, binoculars, and a naughty schoolgirl outfit he “happened to find” on his way over. “But Hulk,” the photographer most likely said, “there’s an inscription on the tag that reads ‘Happy Birthday Brooke, Love Dad, 5-5-2008.’ ”

Brooke puts the “Ho” in Hogan

Even though pretty much everybody has forgotten about them, Brooke Hogan wisely talked to Us Weekly about those creepy photos taken in April of her dad applying lotion to her ass. She told the mag:

“I know I’m a grown woman, but it’s like he’s touching an old car. He used to change my diaper!” (Source)

Brooke doesn’t get it. It’s not that the Hulkster’s applying lotion to her ass, it’s that he’s wayyyyyyy to into it. My God, look at that concentration, that focus! You’d think he was using tweezers to construct one of those model ships in a bottle.

[INFDaily.com]

Brooke Hogan and Charley Hill

Brooke Hogan has finally commented about her 48-year-old mom’s relationship with 19-year-old Charley Hill. Basically, she’s freaking out. In an off-air conversation with E! satellite radio host Michael Yo, Brooke said:

“I’m totally freaked out. I personally don’t like it at all or condone it, but she’s my mom, so I have to show her support . . . I went to school with him. He was a grade under me . . . Me and Nick know him well. Me and Nick are two years apart, and he was right between us (in school).” (Source)

I like how E! had to clarify that Charley was between Brook and Nick (in school). The Hogan family is so fucked up that if E! left that out, naturally we’d assume they had some kind of freaky threesome. Seriously, I wouldn’t put anything past this family at this point. Saying that Linda and the Hulk failed as parents is like saying Hitler failed at diplomacy.

[Splash News]

Brooke Hogan involved in minor car accident

Brooke Hogan was involved in a minor car accident Sunday afternoon. The 20-year-old was driving on Clearwater’s Bayside Bridge when the driver of a 1997 Toyota lost control and smashed into her new Mercedes, pushing it into a concrete wall. Witnesses claim the other driver was nickhoganing.* Breaking the Hogan family trend, Brooke’s passenger had no brain damage and can still dress herself.

*speeding

[Splash News]

John Graziano today, tomorrow, next week, next year, etc.

Brooke Hogan posted an epic rant to her MySpace page today about her brother Nick and his trial for felony reckless driving. Being that I don’t speak retard, I didn’t understand everything she wrote but I think someone lied about something . . .

Monday, May 12, 2008

BS
Current mood: pissed off
Category: Life

I know most of the public thinks my brother is some rich little selfish kid, but NO ONE knows the real story and I’m really pissed that the truth didn’t come out from either side. A LOT of lies were told in that trial. Believe me. And it wasn’t from us. John was NEVER home. He was at our house. ALL THE TIME. that should say enough…. Im not going to be out spoken right now, but If some s*** doesn’t start getting straightened out, A lot of people are going to eat their words for lieing. I know all of the truth and I have back up. I never know how twisted this world could be but I’m starting to figure it out. And I’m gonna have to jump off my high road and tackle some ppl who are taking the low road. I know you guys don’t understand, but you will really really soon. Keep praying. And by the way, before you judge anybody, make sure you really know them. I promise you if you were to meet my brother he would give you the shirt off his back. He’s not “NICK HOGAN.” AND hes not the person he plays on tv. People are so gullible now a days…

Stricken by a momentary bout of sanity, Brooke took down that posting and replaced it with this one:

Monday, May 12, 2008

wtvr

I have the truth on my side. And the truth will set everyone straight sooner or later. PEACE

ps: yes I took my last one off cause I know itll go around anyway. Have at it ppl.

Oh shit, I didn’t know John was NEVER home and at the Hogan’s house ALL THE TIME. And yet the judge still gave Nick eight months in jail for wrapping his Supra around a tree and robbing John of living a normal life without a softball-sized hole in his skull. Where’d he get his law degree, off the back of a cereal box? The term “miscarriages of justice” has a tendency to be overused nowadays but I think it’s appropriate in this case.

[ONTD]

Brooke Hogan and Jennifer McDaniel in L.A. (4/28)

Brooke Hogan came face to face with her dad’s look-a-like girlfriend Jennifer McDaniel yesterday in L.A. That’s Brooke on the right . . . or is that her on the left? Dude, I don’t even know. These bitches need to wear name tags or something. Look below, even the Hulkster’s confused . . . please tell me he’s confused . . . please tell me he’s not knowingly lotioning up his daughter’s ass . . . awww fuck, he is. And he’s wayyyyyy too in to it. I don’t know how big Hulkster’s spank bank is (mine goes back to 5th grade) but I guarantee you it’s full now.

NOTE: I’m sure if you could see Joe Simpson right now, he’d be furiously scribbling notes. “Note to self: install pool.”

[INFDaily.com]

Brooke Hogan bikini pics! (L.A. - 4/26)

Wow, Brooke Hogan actually looks decent . . . My God, I can’t believe I actually just wrote that. Thanks a lot empty bottle of Jack sitting on my desk! I knew I should have waited until noon to start drinking.

[INFDaily.com]

Brooke Hogan at mansion nightclub in Miami Beach (4/10)

Wha . . . who . . . whe . . . ahhh gross! The New York Daily News writes

Hulk Hogan paid a surprise visit to daughter Brooke’s Maxim mag photo shoot in L.A. and snapped a few pics of his own. (Source)

So not only did he show up to Brooke’s photoshoot but he’s also dating a woman that looks eerily similar to her. Dude I think he wants to fuck her.* If my daughter was being photographed by the dudes over at Maxim, I’d show up, too — with a baseball bat. God only know what the Hulk brought with him. A schoolgirl outfit? Popcorn? Lotion?

*Add that to the running total of guys who want to do her and you get one

[WENN]

Brooke Hogan bikini pics! (Miami Beach - 3/20)

If you can make it through even half of this set, you are more man than I could ever hope to be . . . no no no, I don’t mean without masturbating — I mean without breaking down in tears . . . OK, both. *hangs head in shame*

Brooke Hogan bikini pics! (South Beach - 2/22)

Calm down Brooke, Holocaust jokes aren’t funny — in fact they’re downright offensive. What an insensitive bitch! Remind me to never watch her show even more than I never watch it now. Hit those advertisers right in the pocketbooks.

[INFDaily.com]