Archive: Fergie

Fergie used to date Justin Timberlake

I don’t know why I’d never heard of this but I guess Fergie used to date Justin Timberlake way back in the day. Like when he was still a teenager. In a really old article that’s new to me because I never read it, Fergie revealed:

“I almost didn’t go out with him because he was so young, but he was always trying to convince me he was so mature. And he was. It’s true. My friends made fun of me and gave me the nickname Stella, from the movie How Stella Got Her Grove Back, about a woman who dates this younger guy. But one of the reasons we got along was because we both loved hip-hop and used to talk about the Black Eyed Peas and how amazing they were.” (Source)

Awwww, that’s cute. Too bad I wasn’t Fergie’s friend back when she was dating Justin. I would have given her a way catchier nickname: child rapist.

Fergie out and about in London (8/12)

+ Ashley Tisdale is trying way too hard to be trendy [I’m Not Obsessed]

+ Tony Parker no longer pulling out [Dlisted]
+ Jessica Alba camel toe? Yes please. [College Humor]
+ Heidi Montag actually has (ugly) fans [Drunken Stepfather]
+ More Rihanna Bikini Pictures from Barbados [Egotastic!]

+ Jayde Nicole is a sexy little vixen [Hollywood Tuna]
+ Nick Carter’s sister is pretty damn hot [Bastardly]
+ Play Kim Kardashian ass detective [CityRag]
+ Hugh Jackman is a real life hero [Cele|bitchy]

+ Denise Richards goes Bollywood [A Socialite’s Life]
+ Never go commando in another girl’s fatigues [Pajiba]
+ Pretty funny clip of Bob Saget getting roasted [The Blemish]
+ Brooke Hogan tries to sound edumacated [Derek Hail]

[Flynet, Pacific Coast News]

Fergie fell

Fergie ate shit last night while leaving the Waverly Inn in New York, snapping her ankle in two like a piece of flimsy balsa wood, raining a shower of blood down upon a horrified crowd of onlookers. Well not really, but it kinda looks like that, doesn’t it? She actually wasn’t hurt. Fergie’s ankles are as strong as her features. Some ancient scholars even think she may have been chiseled entirely from one piece of granite.

NOTE: Video of the fall on PAGE 2

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Fergie bikini pics! (Bahamas - 4/21)

A tricky one, that Fergie. With the shrinkage caused by that cold water, you almost can’t tell she has a penis. There’s almost no guilt when I masturbate to her now. Still crying, but no guilt.

Fergie bikini pics! (Bahamas - 4/20)

Fergie might be the most confusing woman in Hollywood. On one hand she has a smoking hot body. On the other there’s her face. Ouch. It’s difficult situations like these when I rely on my trusty penis. It’s kinda like one of those divining rods that people use to find water. I just unbuckle my belt, sit back and let it do its thing. It’s gotten me into some wondrous adventures over the years. There was Thailand in 2001, Thailand in 2002, and of course Thailand in 2003-2007. I think it has a thing for Thailand.

NOTE: 16 more pics on PAGE 2

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Uhhh . . . cool hat?

Apparently being hooked on meth can make you paranoid. Who knew! Back when Fergie was a meth head she thought the FBI was after her. She tells the new issue of Marie Claire:

“I had about 20 different conspiracy theories. I painted the windows in my apartment black so ‘they’ couldn’t see in. One day, when I was about 90 pounds, a guy comes up to me . . . I’m searching in the bushes for clues about whatever they’re after me for. I’m in a cowboy hat and red lips. He hands me a muffin. I’m thinking, he’s in on it.” (Source)

I’m pretty sure the real reason Fergie decided to paint her apartment windows black was so that her boyfriends wouldn’t see (and consequently be jealous of) her penis. Trannies can be very sensitive about that sort of thing . . . so I was told . . . by my father/mother.

[BauerGriffinOnline]

Fergie caught with her fly down

Continuing her history of embarrassing on-stage incidents (she pissed her pants a couple years ago), Fergie opened for The Police last Thursday in New Zealand and played her entire set with her zipper down. Don’t worry, these pics are all safe for work. I edited her testicles out of pics 3, 7, and 8-10.

Fergie and Josh Duhamel engaged

Fergie and her longtime boyfriend Josh Duhamel are getting married. According to the actor’s rep, the couple got engaged “recently”–but not on Christmas. A source told People magazine:

“Fergie called a lot of her girlfriends today to tell them the news. She said they don’t know what kind of wedding they want yet, but that she is the happiest girl on earth.” (Source)

Josh also called a bunch of his friends. When asked about what type of veil Fergie would be wearing, he said this one.

Fergie at a concert in San Diego in 2005

I don’t know why she thought this would be a good idea but Fergie decided to talk to Blender magazine about that little incident back in ‘05 where she pissed her pants on stage. At the time Fergie’s rep denied that the singer pissed her pants, insisting that the wet marks were actually sweat. But the 32-year-old singer tells January’s issue of Blender:

“I was late, so I didn’t go to the restroom before I went onstage. It was horrible. But, whatever. It happened. It’s like there’s one or two things the public knows about every famous person. With me, everyone knows I wet my pants onstage and had a crystal-meth addiction. That sucks. You have to laugh.” (Source)

Wow thanks Fergie, that’s one story that definitely didn’t need clarifying. OK you pissed your pants, now move on. Don’t bring it up again years later. Like I never tell my powerlifting buddies about that one time in high school when I benched 450 twice but couldn’t get 500 up even once. Talk about embarrassing. I had to drop out and be homeschooled. At least I had no competition for Prom King. And I know my mom was Prom Queen by default but it’s not like I show everyone that picture of us dancing to “Forever Young”.

Fergie 2008 calendar

Remember the good ol’ days when the only chicks with calendars were smoking hot models with boobs bigger than your head? Now everyone has one, witness Fergie’s 2008 calendar above and below. I’m not exactly sure who would buy this calendar but it’s not exactly a stretch saying the world would be a better place without them.

NOTE: Rosie O’Donnell was also supposed to release a calendar but it was widely rejected by retailers because every single month was December. Rosie’s reasoning was that twelve Decembers equals twelve times the opportunity to gorge herself on holiday cookies.