Archive: Kevin Federline

K-Fed leaving LAX airport (6/28)

Kevin Federline had a fun-filled weekend in Miami. The rapper hosted a party at Mansion until 4 a.m. on Saturday morning — but he wasn’t partying, no no no, he was being a good parent. A source told People:

“Kevin was in a great mood and even talked about a new song he is working on, called ‘Daddy’s Home.’ He has put a lot of time and effort into writing and rehearsing it, but says it is not quite ready yet.”

At Mansion, Federline, dressed in an over-sized, blue, long-sleeved, oxford shirt and jeans, spent much of the night chatting with the club’s host Lyndon Smith, another single dad. “We talked about our kids and parenting and what that’s all about,” Smith says. (Source)

Right. I’m sure K-Fed and the club’s host sat around for hours and discussed “kids and parenting” the entire night. Why not make something up that’s actually believable? Like he could have said the two of them talked about string theory, the current economic instability in the U.S housing market, or exit strategies for the War in Iraq. Of course a more likely scenario is that K-Fed snorted coke off of strippers’ tits, threw hundreds around like toilet paper, signed his bar tab “Britney Spears,” and then took two curious 18-year-olds back to his hotel room to play naked Twister. So a lot like my last Tuesday.

[Flynet, BauerGriffinOnline]

Kevin Federline offered seven figure endorsement contract

And, incredibly, he may be too busy to accept it - *bangs head against table* - From In Touch Weekly:

Britney Spears’ ex-husband has been approached to be the new face of Christopher Brian Collection, In Touch can exclusively reveal. “We feel Kevin would be a great model for the line,” Chris Stokes, a music producer who co-owns the denim brand, tells In Touch. Nothing has been set in stone regarding the modeling gig because the 30-year-old father of four is busy with other projects. “Kevin is also working with Chris on his music and movie career,” an insider tells In Touch. (Source)

Are we supposed to believe that Kevin is so busy with other projects that he doesn’t have time to accept a million dollar modeling deal? This is the same guy whose previous record sales couldn’t even cover his weekly huggies bill. Besides, are jeans really the best product for Kevin to promote? I’d think Trojans, Planned Parenthood, and Maximum pills* would be a little more appropriate.

*currently endorsed by Peter North.

[WENN]

Kevin Federline is the father of the year

I’m sure this isn’t a publicity stunt at all, but a Vegas nightclub has named Kevin Federline the “father of the year.” People says:

Just in time for Father’s Day, Prive Las Vegas will award the proud papa of four his “father of the year” status at a party he is slated to host there June 13. Sources tell People he will be awarded the title during a presentation at the club. (Source)

The only way this award makes sense is if Kevin won it — not for being a good father over the past year — but for fathering the most children. I wouldn’t give K-Fed a father of the year award if he was the last man on earth. I would give it to that crocodile I saw on the Discovery Channel last week. He only ate four out of his five young. He wins.

[WENN]

Britney and Kevin have phone sex

Though this is almost certainly not true, Star magazine claims that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have phone sex all the time. An insider told the mag.

“They have phone sex often — at least once a week. The one thing those two have in common is their need for sex, and after they get going, there are no holds barred.” (Source)

“And then we’ll have the biggest ham your eyes ever seen. And rolls with butter, and pie, and ice cream, and stuffin’, even mashed taters!”

“With gravy?!?”

“Country fried gravy.”

“Tell me more Kevin! Tell me more!”

[WENN]

Britney groping Kevin in 2004

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this story leaks just a day before rent is due. Kevin Federline told Showbiz Spy that he still loves his ex-wife Britney $pears:

“I still love Britney. She’s the mother of my children,” Federline, 30, said. And Jamie Spears — Britney’s dad — is even reportedly encouraging the pair to reunite. “I spend the day chasing my kids around the house. Their needs define my daily schedule,” he adds. (Source)

I’d “still love Britney” too if she were the one paying for my hookers. I mean you’ve gotta be pretty cold-hearted NOT to love someone that puts the clothes on your back, food on your table, and roof over your head . . . unless you’re living in prison. Actually, that Britney prison analogy is fitting: 1. She’s hardly ever allowed to see her relatives (her kids). 2. People are constantly telling her what she can and cannot do (her lawyers). 3. She’s sometimes trades sexual favors for an extra serving of pudding.

[BauerGriffinOnline]

K-Fed getting paid $175,000 to party

Kevin Federline is celebrating his 30th birthday a week from tomorrow at Pure nightclub in Las Vegas. Page Six claims he’s being paid $175,000 for the appearance. A source told them:

“Kevin is a big spender, and a draw for the crowds. So the money he gets is nothing compared to the money they make. Kevin is hoping Britney will be able to have time with the boys for a few days while he is gone, but it all depends on how she is doing at the time. Also, Kevin has to feel confident that Jamie [Spears] will make sure the boys are watched over at all times while she is with them. Kevin loves Vegas and would like to make a party time out of it.” (Source)

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K-Fed is a great tipper

Britney Spears’ new lawyer Stacy Phillips argued in court yesterday that Kevin Federline should be paying his own legal bills. During their four month legal fight, Spears and Federline have generated $1 million+ in legal fees — all of which a judge ruled Britney has to pay. The New York Daily News says:

Phillips told the court commissioner Federline should pay between $150,000 and $175,000 and claimed he omitted his $200,000 spousal- support checks from his earning declarations. Phillips also argued that Federline recently tipped a waitress $2,000 on a $365 bill, and has blown $20,000 on jewelry, phone calls and food while listing the charges as “business expenses.” (Source)

How can K-Fed be expected to pay his own legal bills? Doesn’t Britney’s lawyer know that his money is tied up in releasing tens of copies of his new album? Two more sales and his album will go Tin (slightly below an album going Platinum). The only way K-Fed will give money to Britney’s lawyers is if they swing around a pole in a G-string while telling him they’re saving for Med-School.

[Pacific Coast News]

Kevin Federline and Jamie Spears together at last (3/8)

Kevin Federline and Britney Spears’ father Jamie teed it up over the weekend in Los Angeles. A “family insider” told Page Six that the two are working together to enable Britney to spend more time with her two sons Jayden and Sean. Another family insider that may have been completely made up by me claims the two are plotting to steal Britney’s riches so they can open up their own chain of gay-themed fast food restaurants called “Meat & Buns”.

Kevin Federline on Saturday on the left, 2004 on the right

I admire K-Fed for his determination to make something of himself. Just because he failed as a rapper doesn’t mean he can’t succeed as a competitive eater. Watch out America! K-Fed’s star is bright!

Britney Spears at a gas station in Brentwood (1/9)

Police slapped an “emergency protective order” on Britney Spears last Thursday ordering her to stay 100 feet from ex-husband Kevin Federline or face arrest. Neither Federline or his attorney requested the temporary restraining order, rather it was placed on Spears by officers hoping to “stabilize the situation.” Federline’s attorney Mark Vincenet Kaplan told People magazine:

“Kevin doesn’t want to keep his kids from being involved in [Spears’s] life. But foremost is that the kids be in an environment of structure [and] stability. The next goal is to get things to a point where both parents are able to participate fully in their [children’s] lives.” (Source)

The protective order runs out today so K-Fed better think of something fast to protect himself. I’m thinking a huge hole in his front yard is the answer to his problem. Dig one and cover it with leaves. Sprinkle some pastries–a danish here, some streusel there–in a path that leads right to the hole (but no more than about 15 so she doesn’t get full). And then wait. As trap as delicious as it is treacherous–Britney’s bound to fall for it!