Michael Jackson leaving a Barnes & Noble store in Las Vegas (7/7)
Michael Jackson really needs to reevaluate how he acts in public. I’d hate for him to get a reputation as being “weird.”
72% of Michael’s dreams start this way
Due to, ahem, “financial difficulties,” Michael Jackson is back in the studio recording a new album. And he’s serious about it . . . like, “keep all kids away” serious. The New York Post says:
He’s hired music producers RedOne and Akon to mastermind his new album, and the trio began working together at the Palms recording studio in Las Vegas Wednesday. “Michael is producing the album himself and then will sell it to a record company when he’s finished,” our spy said. To maintain the utmost concentration, “Michael has banned his kids from the recording studio. He realizes this is very important and doesn’t want any distractions.” (Source)
He doesn’t want any “distractions”? I’m pretty sure I read in last year’s pedophile handbook (now in paperback!) that “distractions” is code for “unsupervised semen receptacles.” And what parents are still letting their kids hang around with this pederast? Taking your underage children to hang out with Michael Jackson is like taking a pastry to Rosie . . . both will be swallowed whole.
“Just checking if my lips are still there . . .”
Michael Jackson is hoping to cash in by hosting a New Year’s Eve party in Las Vegas. Norm Clarke (this handsome devil here) of the Las Vegas Review Journal says:
Spies tell me the former king of pop has approached some of the hottest nightclubs with an offer to host an evening for more than $100,000 for a couple hours of work.
“He’s still one of the biggest stars out there, but he comes with a lot of baggage,” said a top club executive, alluding to Jackson’s child molestation trial.
“It would be worth it,” said another major club operator. (Source)
Norm, I’m disappointed in you. How could you write an article about Michael Jackson and not mention his excessive generosity? I heard MJ’s willing to waive his $100K fee for appearances at concerts such as The Wiggles, The Doodlebops, and Sesame Street on Ice. I understand his manager, just in time for the holidays, is in negotiations with local malls to see if they want Michael to dress up as Santa. His only conditions for the charitable event: 1) The kids sit on his lap, and 2) He doesn’t have to register.
NOTE: “Hottest Nightclubs” is code for “Elementary Schools” right?
Michael Jackson is reportedly close to selling his 2,700 acre Neverland Ranch–on the market for several years now–if he agrees to a massive price slash. From today’s New York Post:
According to insiders, distressed debt guru Bill Huff is in serious negotiations to buy the property which includes a zoo, a movie theater and an amusement park. While Jackson wanted $50 million originally, Huff will likely pay something closer to $20 million. Our source said Huff “wants to tear Neverland down and develop the land.” Huff didn’t return calls. Raymone Bain, Jackson’s rep, denied Neverland is for sale: “This is not true.”
Michael Jackson’s pad is worth only $20 Million? That’s chump change! But in all fairness, $20 million would go a long way towards assembling a bitchin’ boy harem in Bali. Let’s see, at $.40 an hour per boy, divided by $20,000,000, Michael could swim in 12 year olds for the rest of his life. No wonder he’s selling his crib and moving out of the Country … boys like that cost at least $1.50 an hour here in the States! Michael Jackson, you sir are a shrewd money manager.
According to Fox News, Michael Jackson is currently in a Las Vegas hospital battling pneumonia:
During his recent trip to Japan, the singer had been battling a severe flu, which he apparently caught from his two young children Paris and Prince, his publicist Raymone Bain confirmed. Bain said Jackson and his family returned to the U.S. because they had all fallen ill. Jackson was still sick, she said.
“I’m not sure what the diagnosis is. It could be pneumonia,” she told FOXNews.com’s 411 column. (Source)
How ironic would it be if children ultimately caused the death of Michael Jackson? It’d be like volunteer work killing me. “He loved it too much.” — someone somewhere
One person you won’t be seeing courtside at this weekend’s NBA All-Star Game in Las Vegas is Michael Jackson. Wacko Jacko couldn’t get coveted courtside seats because he waited too long to ask. An “insider” told the New York Post:
…the front-row seats had already been promised to Jack Nicholson, Christina Aguilera, Jay-Z, Diddy, Nelly and Adam Sandler. “The tickets he wants are not available at this time” (Source)
And because it’s not 1986 anymore. Could you imagine the spectacle of Michael Jackson at an NBA basketball game? The giggles. The freakish stares. The nonstop complaints about all the gross men with facial hair and deep voices. Is it possible for a fan to get thrown out of a game for goosing a ball boy?
NOTE: If this picture isn’t one of the funniest things you’ve seen in your entire life, you’re lying
Michael Jackson’s persistent childhood pestering of Janet Jackson have turned her into a weight freak.
SINGER Janet Jackson has told how she became obsessed with her figure because of “brutal” taunts from brother Michael. Her weight yo-yoed because he called her names such as “Fat Butt”. But she forgave him, saying the jibes were due to “issues” with his own body.
Janet, 40, tells Q magazine: “I was always made to feel I was a fat kid by Michael. “He’d call me brutal names . . . it really affected me, even as an adult.”
Janet, Janet, Janet, this is almost too easy a comeback. Of course, I’m brilliant and you’re mainly known as that chick who showed her “deflated-tire” boob at the Super Bowl a few years back. Anyways, here are your two responses to Michael the next time he calls you fat:
1. “Dude, you’re a FUCKING child molester. I may have big hips but at least I don’t FUCK kids!”
2. “I’m rubber…..you’re glue….YOU FUCK KIDS!”
That pretty much trumps anything he could ever say. You’re welcome.
