Archive: Miley Cyrus

Miley Cyrus needs to be quiet

Miley Cyrus wants to remake Sex and the City. But for kids. Stupidest idea for a TV show ever? Actually, no — dude have you seen The Hills? I’d rather watch a marathon of Baywatch Nights than even one minute of that piece of crap. Wait, what are we talking about again? Oh yeah, Miley Cyrus. The actress told TV Guide:

“I’d love to do a younger, cleaner version of Sex and the City . . . I like to think of myself as the girl that no one can get, that no one can keep in their hand.” (Source)

So instead of a show about 40-year-olds whoring their way through New York City, Miley wants to make a show about 15-year-olds only kinda whoring their way through New York City. “Shut the fuck up Miley, SHUT THE FUCK UP!” - Disney Executive

[Pacific Coast News]

Miley Cyrus hacked

Some dude allegedly broke into Miley Cyrus’ email over the weekend and found some “racy” pics she sent to Nick Jonas of the Jonas Brothers. The hacker also claims to have a few “worse” pics that he’s trying to sell:

“i have worse pictures than these, and those are prob getting sold . . . I have some more pictures of her that I want to attempt to sell to a tabloid, but if i cant, i’ll just leak them with watermarks”

As well as some “juicy” emails:

“I saw alot of juicy emails, but I never thought of saving them.. now I kick myself for not.. there where so many juicy emails that I read…

ones with her talking to nick about the night they fucked, etc.” (Source)

Last time I checked, Miley Cyrus is still wayyyyy under 18 — so unless the grassroots Senate letter-writing campaign I organized actually worked, it’s probably still illegal to sell naked pics of her. For now we’ll have to make due with the scandalous pics of her bare shoulder.*

*NSFW if the year is 1635 and you live in the Massachusetts Bay Colony

Miley Cyrus Got Milk? ad

Who’s managing Miley Cyrus, a sea monkey? Whose idea was it to let her pose for a picture that could be construed by some –but certainly not a devout, God-fearing gentleman such as myself — as suggestive. After the Vanity Fair scandal, I wouldn’t let her be photographed in anything less than a suit of armor covered in a blanket. At night.

[ONTD]

Bare shoulder? That whore!

Disney basically wants Miley Cyrus to drop off the face of the planet until the Vanity Fair controversy subsides. According to Page Six, a “highranking Disney employee” was overheard at a luncheon this weekend saying:

“You won’t be seeing her for a while. The company is keeping her away from events and wants her to keep a very low profile for the next four to six months. They’re trying to keep her contained.” (Source)

I know everyone’s up in arms over these pics because Miley’s supposed to be a role model to young girls everywhere. So she causes a generation of girls to grow up and become sluts. Is that really a bad thing? In about ten years, I’m probably gonna go through a midlife crisis. I’ll need those slutty 18 and 19-year-olds to lean on.

NOTE: I love the language. “They’re trying to keep her contained.” In the span of about a week, Miley’s gone from “moneymaking robot” to “infectious disease.”

Miley Cyrus’ topless pic from Vanity Fair

The Miley Cyrus camp is in full spin control mode after those “racy” pics that circulated the web last week. Complicating matters is a semi-topless photoshoot she did with famed photographer Annie Leibovitz that’s set to be published in the new issue of Vanity Fair. Uhhh, oops. Cyrus told Entertainment Tonight:

“I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be ‘artistic’ and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed. I never intended for any of this to happen and I apologize to my fans who I care so deeply about.”

A Disney Channel spokesperson added:

“Unfortunately, as the article suggests, a situation was created to deliberately manipulate a 15-year-old in order to sell magazines.”

This is just one more example of how working for Disney turns young actresses into whores. Britney - “encouraged” to striptease at age 12. Christina - “manipulated” into blowing Michael Eisner at 14. And Lindsay - “tricked” into playing the role of a urinal in one of my private “art films” . . . last week. If Miley wants to follow in those ladies’ footsteps, she needs to start dating Pacman Jones ASAP.

NOTE: Found some more “racy” pics of Miley — now with 100% more making out!

[ONTD]

Miley Cyrus is writing her memoirs

Fresh off earning a reported $18 million last year, 15-year-old Miley Cyrus just inked a seven figure deal with Disney to write her memoirs . . . April fools! Wait, fuck, it’s the middle of April. Nevermind. Us Weekly says:

The book, to be published by Disney next spring, will center on Cyrus’ rise to fame and the guidance of her mother, Leticia. It will also include unseen family photos.”I hope to motivate mothers and daughters to build lifetimes of memories together and inspire kids around the world to live their dreams,” the Us Power Girl said in a statement, “I am so excited to let fans in on how important my relationship with my family is to me.” (Source)

Please tell me this bitch isn’t real. Like, if I tore off her face, she’d have a titanium alloy skull, right? Kinda like a cuter version of the Terminator. Someone has to stop her — I’m thinking Steven Seagal — before it’s too late. I don’t want to ever hear the words “At 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th, 2011, Miley Cyrus became self aware.” We’d be so fucked.

[WENN]

Thanks Miley, I actually didn’t want to know what color bra you’re wearing

To answer your question Mr. Top Disney Executive, no, it’s not legal to solder a 15-year-old’s uterus shut.

[ONTD]

Miley Cyrus got new teeth

Screw a new car or huge mansion, Miley Cyrus finally bought what she needed most: new teeth. Michael D. Kosdon, a Burbank, Calif. dentist, told Star magazine.

“It looks as though she’s had some porcelain veneers put on her front teeth. And her small incisors appear to have been covered to make them look longer and more balanced with the rest of her mouth,” (Source)

In related news, does anyone wanna buy a new feed bag? Makes a great sweet sixteen present unless the bitch sells out and gets veneers.

NOTE: Let’s hope Miley had a better doctor than Hilary Duff

Miley Cyrus in L.A. yesterday

Britney Spears is slowly shedding the hoard of paparazzi that used to follow her around on a daily basis. BuzzFoto Agency founder Brad Elterman told the New York Daily News:

“Over the weekend, there were less than a half dozen covering Britney. Yet there were 30 in the pack covering Miley Cyrus. Most of them were Britney regulars, but they want something new and fresh. It’s moved on to Miley.” (Source)

The paparazzi want girls that are “new and fresh”? So what happens when they get bored of a 15-year-old like Miley? Are they gonna start hanging out at hospitals bribing doctors with thousands of dollars to take pictures of celebrity births but some doctors don’t want to play their game so the paparazzi kidnap their wife and kids to force them to take the pictures? The short answer: Yes.

[Pacific Coast News]

Miley Cyrus hates your kids

According to findings by the Center for Environmental Health, a number of popular “Hannah Montana” items produced by Disney and sold in stores such as Wal-Mart, Target, and Toys “R” Us contain an unsafe level of lead. CNN says:

According to the organization, it purchased 28 Hannah Montana products in stores and online. Five of them tested between three and fourteen times the federal standard, which is between 1,800 and 8,300 parts per million.

“Lead can impact girls’ learning and development throughout their youth and later can reduce their ability to have healthy children. It’s the worst of both worlds,” said CEH director Michael Green in a statement. (Source)

Are lead-riddled handbags really the most dangerous thing Disney produces that negatively “impact girls’ learning and development”? I’d think their mind-numbing TV shows about pre-teens obsessed with boys, make-up, and bad karaoke would be slightly higher on the list. And it’s not just the girls being hurt. Disney’s creating an entire generation of couch potatoes. I bet the majority of kids today don’t even know what it’s like to play outside with their friends, light things on fire to see what happens, or throw rocks at passing cars. I’m just afraid they’ll grow up without those same values I had.

[Pacific Coast News]