Benji Madden is in love

I guess Benji Madden really is in love with Paris Hilton. Paris told People magazine Monday that her new “best friend” recorded a very special love song for her. All together now: Awwwwwwwwwww.

“Benji’s my best friend. He’s just different from any guy that I’ve ever been with. I just trust him completely, and I know that he’d be there for me, no matter what . . . He actually wrote me a beautiful song, and actually recorded it in the studio. He surprised me with it. It’s called, ‘Shine Your Light.’ It’s this really beautiful love song about me. It was the sweetest thing that anyone has ever done for me.” (Source)

A love song? Benji does realize he’s dating Paris Hilton, right? Pulling out is a romantic gesture to that chick. Writing her a song to get some ass is like squirrel hunting with a guided missile. It’s a little overkill.

[WENN]

The aftermath

Glen Gurniak filed a hit and run report against Benji Madden today after the rocker allegedly ran over the paparazzo’s foot Thursday night while leaving Foxtail nightclub in West Hollywood (Paris Hilton was in the passenger seat). Gurniak told Splash News:

“There were too many people that side of the car so he swung the wheels in my direction on the other side of the car and got my foot trapped under the wheel. I yelled at him: ‘Dude, you’ve pinched my foot under the wheel, don’t drive, don’t drive,’” Gurniak said. “He turned and looked at me out of the window and then just drove. I fell to the floor as the car stopped and was just laying on the floor as everyone was screaming at him that he’d run me over.” (Source)

We can assume that the “loud yelping sound” didn’t come from Paris since her mouth was probably full . . . of Benji. Besides, what’s the big deal about this story anyway? Benji probably performs a “hit and run” on Paris every night — of course the main difference between the two is that in a car you can use an airbag for protection. In Paris, you’re screwed.

NOTE: Video of the incident on PAGE 2

CLICK HERE to check out the video

Kim Kardashian and boyfriend Reggie Bush returning from Puerto Vallarta (4/20)

Though she accepted Paris Hilton’s apology for saying her ass looks like “cottage cheese inside a big trash bag,” Kim Kardashian is trying to make life a living hell for the socialite — and by “living hell” I mean “less free stuff”. The New York Post says:

Kardashian and her sisters are in Mexico, and she managed to wrangle Ed Hardy clothes and bathing suits for everyone on the trip under one condition. “She called paparazzi and tipped them off and she’ll be wearing Ed Hardy clothes,” said our insider. “But she tried to get them to promise that they wouldn’t give any more clothes to Paris.” (Source)

Why would Paris need more clothes anyway? She barely wears the ones she has now. Clothes on Paris Hilton are like condoms on porn stars: both usually end up discarded on the floor . . . teeming with crabs. The best way for Kim to get back at Paris? Take something away that she actually uses every day - like her credit card, Valtrex, or gag reflex.

[INFDaily.com]

Paris Hilton in Moscow, Russia (4/19)

Paris Hilton wants to have a double wedding with friend Nicole Richie (Paris is dating Benji Madden and Nicole is dating his brother Joel) so they can reap millions from the picture rights. A friend told the New York Post:

“She’s doing it all for attention, as usual. It’s a publicity stunt, just like everything else.” (Source)

This story raises the minimum threshold needed for “attention whore” status to an entirely new level. I’d call Paris a sell out for trying to pull off something so blatantly publicity-driven, but that’d be an insult to Judas, Benedict Arnold, and Jenna Jameson’s mouth. If this wedding idea is true — which it’s not — good luck getting any money for these pics. If I wanted to see a disgusting interfamily marriage, I’d wait until Britney and Jamie Lynn’s kids turn 18. You know that shit is gonna happen.

[BauerGriffinOnline]

Paris Hilton and Benji Madden out and about in London (4/16)

Paris Hilton’s parents officially approve of her new boyfriend Benji Madden. Paris’ dad loves him “like family already” while her mom thinks the two are headed for the altar. She told Robin Leach over at the Vegas Luxe Life blog:

“This has honestly become the real thing. It’s a great love match, and I have a funny feeling it’s going to go all the way, and we’ve already given it our approval. Their life has never been better. We agree with Paris that he is an amazing guy… He’s changed her life, and I really think she’s genuinely in love for the first time.” (Source)

What’s Kathy talking about? Paris has been in love for the past 20 years . . . with herself. The affair started when Paris was just seven and she passed her first department store mirror. The smile, the charm, the beginnings of a wonkey eye, it was love at first sight, the stuff retarded fairytales are made of. Since that magical day, the love has developed into something so strong that if Paris could date a clone of herself, she would. And, really, who can blame her? If I could date a clone of my kickass self, I totally would. Actually I take that back. No way I could handle that length.

[WENN]

Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian in Australia (12/2006)

Paris Hilton is backpedaling today after a clip of her interview with a Las Vegas radio show was released to the web. In the interview Paris blasts former best friend Kim Kardashian (”I would not want [Kim’s butt] — it’s gross! It reminds me of cottage cheese inside a big trash bag.”) and Jessica Simpson (”I don’t like, I don’t like big boobs, I think they’re too . . . big.”). Yes, that actually came out of the mouth of a 27-year-old woman. Of course after the clip was posted the web (check it out on PAGE 2), Paris claimed she was just kidding. She told In Touch Weekly:

“I was just joking around and I made a stupid joke. I felt really bad afterward, so I contacted Kim and apologized. It was a silly thing to say. Kim’s hot!”

Kim accepts the apology, telling In Touch, “Paris and I have been friends since we were kids and I’m glad she made the effort to say she’s sorry.”

Joking? More like jealousy. Paris must be kidding herself if she thinks she wouldn’t want an ass that could singlehandedly fertilize a football field while simultaneously “accommodating” the football team . . . especially since she only has her mouth to do that now.

CLICK HERE to listen to the clip on PAGE 2

Paris Hilton in London, England (4/11)

Gee what a shock, the search for Paris Hilton’s new best friend is not going well. The New York Post says:

Paris Hilton’s new reality show should be called “I Want To Be Paris Hilton” . Heirhead wannabes lined up Tuesday at Nikki Beach in New York for Hilton’s new MTV reality series, “Paris Hilton’s My New BFF” and it wasn’t pretty. “It looked like Barbie threw up in there,” said our spy. “All the girls looked like versions of Donatella Versace. They all had bleached blond hair, too-dark tans and were wearing tight, shiny dresses. All the guys that were there were gay. The whole thing was so bizarre.” (Source)

It shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone that so many vapid/plastic/no talents decided to show up to audition to be Paris’ new best friend since that’s exactly what her old best friend was like. The simple truth is that if you really want to be Paris’ best friend and hang out with her everywhere she goes, you need to be one of three things: 1. A mirror, 2. A bottle of Valtrex, or 3. Vibrating.

[BauerGriffinOnline, WENN]

Raise your hand if you’re a dirty whore

During her recent trip to Africa, Paris Hilton annoyed all the locals by wanting to buy everything — even a cheetah. A source staying at the same hotel as Paris in Cape Town told the New York Daily News:

“Every time Paris saw something she liked, like a woman’s dress, she would ask how much it was. That included a cheetah she saw at an animal park. She asked how much it was and said, ‘If I bought a cheetah, would it run away from me or could I keep it?’” (Source)

It would probably run away. Have you been to an animal shelter lately? It kills me to see all those sad cheetahs. I almost adopted one last week — “Bitey” I think his name was. Oh he was so cute. I swear with every swipe at my jugular, he took a little piece of my heart.

[Getty]

Paris Hilton at an airport in Helsinki, Finland, today

That cut on Paris Hilton’s chin is the aftermath of her fall in Prague last Sunday. It’s too bad she didn’t have it before she went on that safari in Africa last week. I hear lions like to target the sick and injured. Which actually is not a bad strategy. I went on a date at a convalescent home last week. I hooked up.

[INFDaily.com]

I’ve warned management how tricky that last step is

Paris Hilton fell flat on her face yesterday in Prague. After eating lunch at a local restaurant, Paris and boyfriend Benji Madden tried to escape through the back door. Benji saw the last step. Paris didn’t. While she did slightly injure her chin, Paris praised the “thick layer of protective semen” for preventing further damage.

CLICK HERE for video of Benji Madden yelling at the paparazzi after the fall on PAGE 2