Paris Hilton’s Bentley being towed
Not like that — unfortunately — I mean her Bentley. While Paris was driving through West Hollywood on Monday her battery died. AAA to the rescue! Don’t laugh. Dead batteries can be a common problem in Bentleys. It’s one of the reasons I refuse to buy one. Besides, ‘89 Honda Civics are so much more practical and I would argue, just as flashy.
[Flynet, WENN]
Paris Hilton at Tao nightclub in Las Vegas (6/7)
You know how sometimes when you’re in the checkout line at the store, a candy bar catches your eye and you impulsively buy it. Paris Hilton makes impulse buys like that, too, only replace “candy bar” with “puppy.” The New York Post says:
The Puppy Store on Melrose Avenue in LA deserves an ASPCA award. Over the weekend, spies said, Paris Hilton was on her way to a photo shoot and “wanted a puppy in the picture with her so it would look cuter.” Hilton waltzed in and tried to buy a Yorkie but was rebuffed by an employee who said it was clearly “an impulse buy.” Hilton, who has a menagerie of neglected animals, went “ballistic,” we’re told. “She started screaming, ‘I love my puppies! I want my baby!’” - but to no avail. The store had no comment. (Source)
Does the government give the Medal of Honor to Pet Store employees? If not, they should make an exception in this case. About the only thing Paris neglects more than the puppies she owns are the instructions on condom rappers. If Paris really wants to help a whining, pathetic, caged animal in its time of need, maybe she should start with Nick Hogan.
[WENN]
Paris Hilton’s parents (No, really)
It’s getting serious between Paris Hilton and Benji Madden. The two have already introduced their parents to each other. Paris’ mom Kathy (that charmer above) told In Touch:
“I have met Benji’s mother, Robin, and she is very nice . . . We were all cleaning the kitchen together after the (Memorial Day) barbecue, and Paris helped . . . I think [Benji] sees the real Paris.”
Kathy Hilton is obviously off her meds. With her daughter’s fake hair extensions, colored contacts, nose job, and hair coloring, it’s hard to believe that anyone could “see the real Paris.” Benji getting to know Paris deep down inside* is about as likely as a dyslexic solving a rubic’s cube in the dark — neither is going to get accomplished without a lot of luck and cramped fingers.
*Also getting to know Paris deep down inside: 34,752 male (and 17 female) residents of Los Angeles and that broken shop vac she keeps under her bed.
Paris Hilton at Tao restaurant in Las Vegas (6/6)
Paris Hilton’s probably not pregnant. Last Friday, during the filming of her new MTV reality show My New BFF at Tao Las Vegas, Paris was seen downing champagne, vodka, and tequila. People magazine says:
Following dinner [at Tao restaurant], Hilton and the girls headed to Tao nightclub where the star of the show was greeted with her song “Stars Are Blind.” For the next two hours Hilton smoked cigarettes and danced with the seven remaining contestants on the club’s catwalk, all while cameras rolled.
And the partying wasn’t done after Tao, with the group heading to the exclusive Mirage villas for an afterparty where they were entertained by Las Vegas showman and Paris friend Jeff Beacher. At the party, Hilton did more to confirm her non-pregnancy by gulping Grey Goose and Patron Silver tequila before she and Madden headed back to their suite at The Venetian.
“She’s clearly not pregnant,” said a guest at the afterparty. (Source)
You know what’d be sweet? If Paris actually was pregnant and she was still smoking and drinking like this. But instead of her baby being born premature or with a low birth weight, it was born with a head the size of a basketball that shattered her pelvis during delivery. I think I would honestly cry tears of joy if that happened.
[WENN]
Paris Hilton looks pregnant
So Paris Hilton, yeah, probably pregnant. That’s Paris leaving Eva Longoria’s restaurant Beso last night. No word on where Paris is having her baby shower but — if God does indeed answer prayers — it’ll be at Planned Parenthood tomorrow.
[WENN, ONTD]
Benji Madden is in love
I guess Benji Madden really is in love with Paris Hilton. Paris told People magazine Monday that her new “best friend” recorded a very special love song for her. All together now: Awwwwwwwwwww.
“Benji’s my best friend. He’s just different from any guy that I’ve ever been with. I just trust him completely, and I know that he’d be there for me, no matter what . . . He actually wrote me a beautiful song, and actually recorded it in the studio. He surprised me with it. It’s called, ‘Shine Your Light.’ It’s this really beautiful love song about me. It was the sweetest thing that anyone has ever done for me.” (Source)
A love song? Benji does realize he’s dating Paris Hilton, right? Pulling out is a romantic gesture to that chick. Writing her a song to get some ass is like squirrel hunting with a guided missile. It’s a little overkill.
[WENN]
The aftermath
Glen Gurniak filed a hit and run report against Benji Madden today after the rocker allegedly ran over the paparazzo’s foot Thursday night while leaving Foxtail nightclub in West Hollywood (Paris Hilton was in the passenger seat). Gurniak told Splash News:
“There were too many people that side of the car so he swung the wheels in my direction on the other side of the car and got my foot trapped under the wheel. I yelled at him: ‘Dude, you’ve pinched my foot under the wheel, don’t drive, don’t drive,’” Gurniak said. “He turned and looked at me out of the window and then just drove. I fell to the floor as the car stopped and was just laying on the floor as everyone was screaming at him that he’d run me over.” (Source)
We can assume that the “loud yelping sound” didn’t come from Paris since her mouth was probably full . . . of Benji. Besides, what’s the big deal about this story anyway? Benji probably performs a “hit and run” on Paris every night — of course the main difference between the two is that in a car you can use an airbag for protection. In Paris, you’re screwed.
NOTE: Video of the incident on PAGE 2
Kim Kardashian and boyfriend Reggie Bush returning from Puerto Vallarta (4/20)
Though she accepted Paris Hilton’s apology for saying her ass looks like “cottage cheese inside a big trash bag,” Kim Kardashian is trying to make life a living hell for the socialite — and by “living hell” I mean “less free stuff”. The New York Post says:
Kardashian and her sisters are in Mexico, and she managed to wrangle Ed Hardy clothes and bathing suits for everyone on the trip under one condition. “She called paparazzi and tipped them off and she’ll be wearing Ed Hardy clothes,” said our insider. “But she tried to get them to promise that they wouldn’t give any more clothes to Paris.” (Source)
Why would Paris need more clothes anyway? She barely wears the ones she has now. Clothes on Paris Hilton are like condoms on porn stars: both usually end up discarded on the floor . . . teeming with crabs. The best way for Kim to get back at Paris? Take something away that she actually uses every day - like her credit card, Valtrex, or gag reflex.
Paris Hilton in Moscow, Russia (4/19)
Paris Hilton wants to have a double wedding with friend Nicole Richie (Paris is dating Benji Madden and Nicole is dating his brother Joel) so they can reap millions from the picture rights. A friend told the New York Post:
“She’s doing it all for attention, as usual. It’s a publicity stunt, just like everything else.” (Source)
This story raises the minimum threshold needed for “attention whore” status to an entirely new level. I’d call Paris a sell out for trying to pull off something so blatantly publicity-driven, but that’d be an insult to Judas, Benedict Arnold, and Jenna Jameson’s mouth. If this wedding idea is true — which it’s not — good luck getting any money for these pics. If I wanted to see a disgusting interfamily marriage, I’d wait until Britney and Jamie Lynn’s kids turn 18. You know that shit is gonna happen.
Paris Hilton and Benji Madden out and about in London (4/16)
Paris Hilton’s parents officially approve of her new boyfriend Benji Madden. Paris’ dad loves him “like family already” while her mom thinks the two are headed for the altar. She told Robin Leach over at the Vegas Luxe Life blog:
“This has honestly become the real thing. It’s a great love match, and I have a funny feeling it’s going to go all the way, and we’ve already given it our approval. Their life has never been better. We agree with Paris that he is an amazing guy… He’s changed her life, and I really think she’s genuinely in love for the first time.” (Source)
What’s Kathy talking about? Paris has been in love for the past 20 years . . . with herself. The affair started when Paris was just seven and she passed her first department store mirror. The smile, the charm, the beginnings of a wonkey eye, it was love at first sight, the stuff retarded fairytales are made of. Since that magical day, the love has developed into something so strong that if Paris could date a clone of herself, she would. And, really, who can blame her? If I could date a clone of my kickass self, I totally would. Actually I take that back. No way I could handle that length.
[WENN]
